Once, long ago, there was a comedy website that only wanted three simple things: to make people laugh, to teach them a few things, and to make enough money to build a robot that would be our friend, instead of yet another enemy. It succeeded in two...
2021-01-26 13:00:03 +0000 UTC View PostThey come from other worlds and dimensions. Our laws mean nothing to them. Physical matter and brain waves are theirs to control. And now you can defeat them thanks to HOW TO DEFEND YOURSELF AGAINST ALIEN ABDUCTION by Ann Druffel (1998). P...
2021-01-25 13:00:04 +0000 UTC View PostOnce, long ago, there was a comedy website that only wanted three simple things: to make people laugh, to teach them a few things, and to be the first internet comedians to write dick jokes on Mars. It succeeded in two of those goals, before gettin...
2021-01-22 13:01:00 +0000 UTC View PostIn 1985, 78% of all American plastic was used for aerobics videos. One of them -the wettest one- was called VIDEO COLLECTION SPORTS PLAYGIRL Morning Workout. It was priced-to-own and let you exercise with the "hunks" from Playgirl! Those q...
2021-01-21 13:00:03 +0000 UTC View Post
BEFORE THERE WAS TIME, THERE WASβ¦
PHOTON!
Thatβs how Photon opens. Well, that and a massive pulsing space cock.
Today, in the Dogg Zzone 9000 Podcast, we are joined by our dear friend Jason Pargin, author of 2021-01-19 13:00:03 +0000 UTC View Post
Jack Chick was kind of a low rent missionary. A street preacher for shut-ins. A televangelist for people who live in vans. Heβs what happens when you successfully convert a nerd, and why nobody tries that anymore. He writes insane tiny comic book...
2021-01-18 13:01:02 +0000 UTC View PostTwo weeks ago we published an article about No Longer Afraid, a book for dying children by the pediatric tragedy team of Doris Sanford an...
2021-01-15 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostScholars often debate the best time period for literature. Was it the modernist movement with Hemingway, Fitzgerald, and Faulker? Or perhaps Romanticism, which saw great works from Poe, Shelley, and Austen? In my personal opinion, it was Supermarke...
2021-01-14 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostItβs a new year and you have to admit: This is some new bullshit! Listen, everybody wished this year would be different and it is our fault for not being more specific. All genies are pedantic assholes, and thatβs the best case scenario. We may...
2021-01-13 13:00:03 +0000 UTC View PostWelcome to 2021, Road Warriors, Wasteland Wanderers, and Wall-Es alike. I donβt care how you did it, but you made it through 2020. Thatβs something you can brag about to your skeptical grandkids as they warm their hands around the Tesla battery...
2021-01-12 13:00:03 +0000 UTC View PostIf you're stupid enough, general knowledge seems like expertise. If you're stupider still, puppets seem like a trick. If you're stupider still, you are the customer base for 1987's How to Have a Moneymaking GARAGE SALE Starring Phyllis Diller 2021-01-11 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Youβd assume something as important as a police training film would be a dry and official productionβ¦ but youβd also assume something as important as police weapons training wouldnβt be done via filmstrip like theyβre an unruly fourth gra...
2021-01-08 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostWhen accomplished sci-fi author Robert Brockway and aspiring gargantuan game hunter Seanbaby first approached me about spending thirty uninterrupted days and nights within the realm of VR sex games, it was some time in the future, because that tech...
2021-01-07 13:01:00 +0000 UTC View PostHi, Internet, remember me from when there was still hope enough for laughter? Jump into the pop culture DeLorean, and letβs revisit an era when the exceptional assholes of yesteryear would have been aghast at the normal people of today.
When you're a child, defeating a full-grown attacker can seem difficult. At least it did until 1986 when Al Johnson wrote YOUNG, ALERT, and AWARE: Self Defense and Self Confidence for Children. To be clear, this book won't help you defend ...
2021-01-05 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostYou canβt trust WikiHow to teach you even the most basic of life skills. If you learn how to ride a bike from WikiHow youβll wind up with a handlebar up your ass and wheels on your hands like the Wheelers from Return to Oz. Yes, they a...
2021-01-04 13:00:03 +0000 UTC View PostDoris Sanford and Graci Evans are a creative team dedicated to producing a book about every possible pediatric trauma. They produced a book to very specifically help kids deal with life in a Japanese POW camp and another for survivors of nude Satan...
2021-01-01 13:00:05 +0000 UTC View PostIt has been said that Iβm not a very erotic writer, even though I type the word βfuckβ 600 times every day just to keep the muscle memory in my fingers fresh. Most of my Fucking Days are about gross, messed-up things that are adjacent to sex ...
2020-12-31 13:01:00 +0000 UTC View PostThe story of Brides In Love begins where so many great love stories do-- in prison. Charlton comics started when a guy who went to jail for selling books of song lyrics without the writer's permission met a lawyer (presumably not a great o...
2020-12-30 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Text adventures were the video games we made before we knew how to make video games. They had all the thrills of reading a short story written by an unedited maniac, combined with the epic adventure of guessing syntax. A few were great, most were boring, some were war crimes waged against coherence. Please keep all of this in mind as we expl...
2020-12-29 13:01:00 +0000 UTC View PostChristmas is over and all you got was socks and herpes, again. Not even an exciting new strain either! We understand. Nobody gets you like we do. Thatβs why weβre taking today to give you the greatest gift of all: A little recognition. Here are...
2020-12-28 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostMerry Christmas! Itβs Upsetting Day.
Now you must choose which day youβd rather celebrate.
On the one hand you have family, togetherness, hot cocoa, carols, presents and the portly home invader dressed to hide bloodstains who brings...
2020-12-25 13:00:02 +0000 UTC View PostThis should be a retrospective of all of our Fucking Days and the interesting and frightening ways they have penetrated you, but Seanbaby just did that for the last Reflecting Day. But if you think about it, fucking is basically just reall...
2020-12-24 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostNerds! You god damn nerds! Paying money for jokes on the internet is the nerdiest thing possible, and thatβs including both card tricks and ukelele covers. But you nerds are precious to us. We appreciate every second you spend reading our comedy ...
2020-12-23 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostItβs day two of the great comedy retrospective, where we look back at all the amazing jokes we brought to this screaming, stinking pukefight of a year. Today we celebrate the king of arm movements: The punch. The wave is all right, the wank is pr...
2020-12-22 13:00:03 +0000 UTC View PostHappy holidays from the very tips of our hot dogs to the large split in your buns. This year you have given us the greatest gift of all: Several dollars. Oh, also your support for this insane website that promises way too many jokes about things po...
2020-12-21 13:01:02 +0000 UTC View PostIt's Podcasting Day! Available everywhere today wherever you get them, we are joined on the Dogg Zzone 9000: The Official Podcast of 1-900-π by our dear friend...
2020-12-18 13:00:03 +0000 UTC View PostOnce, long ago, there was a comedy website that only wanted three simple things: to make people laugh, to teach them a few things, and to be able to issue our own traffic citations to people who put eyelashes on headlights. It succeeded in two of t...
2020-12-17 13:00:03 +0000 UTC View PostThe definition for "nerd" changes 12.7(Ο)Β² times faster than any other word. For instance, in our lifetime it has bounced between "panty unmoistening," "socially unacceptable," and "dangerously obsessive." It can be confusing! But good news: I th...
2020-12-16 13:01:00 +0000 UTC View Post
